Part 2: The Difference Between Narrow- Mindedness and Ignorance

(Part 1)

Ignorance

They recognise their own ignorance: There is no shame in acknowledging that we are all ignorant – whether we are rich or poor, male or female, able or disabled, from the frigid North Pole to the scorching hot dunes of the Sahara, we are all ignorant about something. Despite what you’ve been hearing from the hyper-political media of today, ignorance knows no people group. It’s okay to acknowledge this reality. Not only is this okay but recognising the ignorance inside all of us can humble and unify us.

However, if we allow ourselves to think that we are more ignorant than we really are, we might turn ourselves into the victims of narrow-minded people – this can happen to people who are in manipulative relationships with their “friends”, or even with their own family members. These are narrow-minded people who choose to remain willfully blind to their own ignorance so that they can gleefully revel in yours. They can make themselves look like the good guy to you because they make you feel guilty for things that you shouldn’t feel bad about. For example, maybe you’re a man who has to deal with a third-wave feminist telling you that you are part of the “tyrannical” patriarchy.

If you suspect that you are the victim of someone who fits the criteria of a narrow-minded person, don’t be afraid to be sincere and stand up for yourself. If you don’t, you will continuously feel like the impossible is being expected from you. You will be like a rubber band that the other person tries to stretch beyond your limit. Once you snap, you will backlash into their face making them angrier at you than they were before. If you feel like you are being stretched too thin don’t hide your true feelings for too long. Even if you’re aware that you don’t know this person’s experience, don’t doubt that you are in the right by calling him or her out for their closed-minded attitude towards you.

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Temporary denial: This past summer I found myself in a situation where I thought that people were acting closed-minded towards me, but in reality, I don’t think they intended to be closed-minded. My job search councillor sent me to a meeting with two people who run a career-search workshop. When I got there, these people acted shocked by my life experience that was very different from theirs—they reacted negatively to the things that I haven’t done yet before they knew what I have done. Their emotions seemed to go in this order: unbelief, shock, anger, disappointment and then pity. From their tone of voice, and their impulsive jump into an emotional reaction, my first impression was that they were unopen and unwilling to understand my history, and current situation from growing up as an autistic Military brat moving every two to four years.

I wrote a narrative about my time with them from my perspective, and then e-mailed it to them with a carbon copy to my job search councillor. My job search councillor helped me to see things differently. I realize now that the way I wrote my narrative made me sound closed-minded. She helped me to understand where I might have misinterpreted them. She called the work shop people right after getting my carbon copy. She told me what they said to her—they told her that they learned a lot from what I wrote. I don’t know the background of these people, but somebody told me after this event that people who seldom move may struggle to understand a different kind of life outside of their home town. No matter what the situation, I think that not understanding me right off the bat wasn’t their fault. However, I do wish that they’d reply to my apology e-mail so that I’d know for sure that they forgave me, and that I forgave them.

Were we being narrow-minded, or just ignorant? I don’t know. This is where the barrier between the two starts to become hazy. These two people and myself seem to have fallen into this blurry in-between area. Sometimes emotions cause us to fall into a state of denial against whatever we are hearing or seeing. It’s easy to misunderstand this reaction as closed-mindedness when, in fact, denial might just be the first step in hearing information that seems shocking at first exposure.

This might also be why denial is known as the first step people go through while grieving. In good conscience, we would never say that someone who’s grieving, and experiencing denial is “closed-minded to reality”. We know that it’s nothing more than a temporary reaction to something the person had previously felt was impossible.

Conclusion

I hope that this two part blog post helped you to see ignorance in a more nuanced light. The world today makes ignorance seem so much simpler than it really is and that causes us to hurt each other – can we think differently about this?

Netivity

Christmas will be here in just a few days—Christmas is a time to remember when forgiveness came to us in the form of a newborn baby. When the baby grew up, He showed us how to let go of our narrow-mindedness so that we can see ourselves in others. Try to see yourself in Justin Trudeau—try to see yourself in Donald Trump—this will be hard if you dislike one or both of these men, but it’s worth a try.  I can now see a glimpse of myself in the workshop owners because I know that I reacted similarly towards them to how they reacted towards me.  However, this was just a glimpse.  I still forget my own faults, and then accuse others for shortcomings that I’ve also been guilty of.  The journey towards self-awareness will never end in this life; however, If we are willing to see ourselves in others, we will still be ignorant, but we will never again be narrow-minded.

Let’s bravely say what we truly feel about narrow-mindedness, and have more mercy for other people’s, and our own ignorance.  Merry Christmas!

 

 

The Difference between Autistic Pride, and Autism Acceptance

baby children cute dress In a 2013 interview on YouTube, Temple Grandin said “Autism is an important part of who I am, and I like my logical thinking, but I consider myself a college professor first—my career comes first. I’m getting worried about too many kids getting hung up on their autism. I’d rather get them hung up on computer science or being a journalist—something that they can make a career out of.” (The Economist)

This quote has remained in the back of my mind for a long time, and just recently it has resurfaced. I realize that I now share Temple Grandin’s concerns more than ever before. We live in a world that advocates not only for autism acceptance, but also for autistic pride. I believe that pride and acceptance are two completely different things. While I am afraid that autistic pride can block potential, I also believe that autism acceptance is needed for autistic people like myself to reach our full potential. Through this blog post I will share my current opinions about the differences between pride and acceptance. I also want to address the shortcomings that I see with autistic pride, and the good that I see in autism acceptance.

What are the differences?

Autistic Pride:  Not a lot of people know about autistic pride, but it does exist, and it’s very real. I have struggled with this form of pride in my own life. Fighting against this sense of pride within myself has completely transformed my worldview.  I have grown to become very sensitive to this feeling that seems to linger behind many more labels besides the label ‘autism’.Rainbow Infinity SymbolThere is even a day devoted to this phenomenon. June 18th is known as Autistic Pride Day.  This day is represented by a rainbow infinity symbol (shown above). The website Awarenessdays.com says that “this annual event was first celebrated by Aspies for Freedom in 2005 and they modelled Autistic Pride Day on the gay pride movement.”

I’m concerned about today’s general emphasis on pride in the labels that society assigns to us, and that we assign to ourselves.  My concern is that this form of pride might keep us stuck with our own opinions, and prevent us from being open-minded.

“Autism” is nothing more than a word that’s being used as an attempt to encapsulate unknowns about human complexity — it’s useful, but it’s not perfect. If we tie ourselves to this word as if it’s a badge of honour I’m deeply concerned that we won’t explore our potentials beyond the ‘autism’ categorization. We have created a community revolving around this word that we call the ‘autism community’.  To a certain extent that’s fine, but I believe that just like anyone else we are meant to branch out as individuals seeking gifts, and truth that is bigger than ourselves.

This is what I believe that we need to do—we need to branch out, but can we do this alone? This is where autism acceptance comes into play.

Autism Acceptance:  Acceptance seems to work as a two-way street. If we open our minds up to others, they might open their minds to us, and vice versa — as a result we can help them to help us incorporate ourselves into the world. If we are struggling to communicate, how can we open our minds to others? I believe that we can do this through our gifts. It’s easy to assume that presenting our gifts or talents to the world is an arrogant thing to do.  We might think that we are showing off; however, I believe that revealing our gifts does the exact opposite of that — gifts are shared with other people. They help others to empathize with us, and us to empathize with them. We are supposed to share our gifts.  We shouldn’t hog them all to ourselves.

April 2nd shares two different names: Autism Awareness Day, and Autism Acceptance Day. Several years ago I was given the opportunity to sing at an Autism Awareness Day event, and my friend presented his gorgeous, heart-felt sketches of elephants along with other wild animals, and colourful paintings of fruits and flowers.  His artwork was presented in a slide show along with the song “How Great Is Our God”.  This song was glorifying someone much greater than a worldly label–it was glorifying the God who gives each and every one of us gifts.

As we were revealing our talents that we have been developing and refining through a never-ending process of transformation and improvement, the label ‘autism’ could have easily been pushed to the side.  People find unity in witnessing and sharing in other people’s gifts because they represent the fact that no matter what, we are all transforming and improving, and we all have stories to tell even if we don’t have the words.

No matter what you call April 2nd, that day can be very flexible, while Autistic Pride Day seems to be rigidly fixed into the notion that we exist, and that we should be proud to be autistic. The impact of April 2nd events all depends on the people who are moving the organized autism-centered events forward. It can be a day of open-minded discussions about autism, but it can also remain closed-off to discussions. Some events might treat autism like a deadly disease (hopefully not too many), while others might treat it as a unique part of humanity, but from there fall into the limiting “be proud to be autistic” mindset.  An April 2nd autism-centered event can also involve many different people who hold different views about autism, and hopefully this would open up opportunities for constructive debates. In my opinion, this is the best set-up; this would create a safe environment for debate and allow for diverse views on the subject to be represented. Not only do I want to see if I can make strong arguments against someone else’s views, but I also want to see if others can make good arguments against my own views.

Even now, you may have great arguments against the position that I have taken here. If so, I want to know what you have to say so that I can continue my never-ending process of transformation and improvement.  I encourage you to share your views in the comment section.

Conclusion

To other autistics out there, I have a few questions — can we seek acceptance from others if we are preoccupied with the autism community as being the center of our identity? How can we seek acceptance from others if we close ourselves off within the autism community while complaining about how the outsiders don’t understand us? Why not help them to understand us? This is what autistic pride can do to us — it can make us love ourselves, but it can also turn us into a tribe against the world who talks about acceptance, but deep down wants to remain segregated from the world. We exercise a twisted form of tyranny if we deliberately prevent others from connecting with us just because we want to remain proud, separate, and unique. We should be open and curious about other people’s ideas, and I hope that others will be open and curious about our ideas. Social skills, and morality are not the same things. Even though socialization is hard for us our conscience can help us to discern if we are treating others with love, and if others are treating us with patience and love.

April is just a few days away now. You don’t have to agree with what I have said, but as the next three months roll by, I encourage anyone who is reading this to be vigilant. If you see something — anything — a video, a poster, or anything else that revolves around the word ‘autism’, I want you to ask yourself this question: “Does this possess the spirit of pride, or the spirit of acceptance and unity?”

The World’s Communication Disorder

Communication Elephant From the time I was a kid I was told that I have a communication disorder. This means that I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, and comprehending what other people are saying. I knew about this even before I was diagnosed with autism. I used to believe that a communication disorder was a condition that I possessed, or even part of who I was, but seriously–how can I be or have a concept that isn’t tangible?

I am not talking to anyone right now. I am sitting in front of a computer typing out my thoughts, but I’m experiencing the occasional blocks in my communication that cause me to erase certain sets of words, and rewrite them so that they make a little more sense. In this case, I don’t have a communication disorder, I’m just experiencing it while I’m trying to figure out how to make my writing more digestible for other people.

If someone who understands my perspective helps me to make my writing clearer than it was before, I don’t have a communication disorder, but there are still the occasional obstacles that need to be crossed. We will eventually manage to cross these obstacles successfully. If I decided to turn my computer off right now, and stay in my room without anyone to talk to, a communication disorder is not even existing within this moment.

On the other hand, if someone genuinely doesn’t understand what I’m writing or saying, It’s not just me who’s crippled in the area of communication, but it’s also the person who I’m talking to. This is nobody’s fault, this is just the way that the world works. These are the consequences of two or more diversely wired brains trying to find unity with one another. The weight of a communication disorder can bog down any conversation—we all feel it. Whenever this weight is felt, saying that one person in the conversation is the source of miscommunication might be the wrong thing to do. I don’t believe that people can be the source of a communication disorder. A communication disorder is something that manifests itself within a conversation where unity hasn’t been reached yet—this is just part of the natural process towards social integration.

I believe that whenever we feel the weight of a communication disorder, we should all be allowed to empathise about it. We all know that it’s hard, so why not just admit this to each other? Is it just because it’s not socially acceptable to bring up this elephant in the room? This elephant isn’t a bad guy. It has the potential to reveal one small glimpse of unity amongst the diversity. It keeps us from judging words and actions, and judgement of other people’s words and actions seems to be caused by pride and shame. I have developed this belief after I realized that the world around me effects my level of humility. Another person’s pride can cause me to feel ashamed, and my own pride can cause other people to feel ashamed. This is the teeter-totter effect that’s been on my mind a lot, and it’s going to come up many times again in this blog. I believe that this scale is something that needs to be escaped.

This also ties into my belief that I should treat others the way I want to be treated. I usually invite other people to take my words with a grain of salt because I want to take other people’s words with a grain of salt. This doesn’t mean being dismissive of what I, or other people are saying, but this does mean acknowledging that there is an unknown intention behind our words. Show me where I am right or wrong, and I will show you where you are right or wrong, but please don’t jump to conclusions before you know the root to what I’m saying.

This belief can make things hard for me. What if I’m around someone who doesn’t want their words to be taken with a grain of salt? If I treat someone like this the way I want to be treated, I get hit with a boomerang of shame. I throw the boomerang of information at them, but then the meaning gets twisted around because instead of catching it, and trying to figure it out, they let it come back to me as something that shouldn’t have been said in the first place. This is how people leave me trapped in a state of claustrophobia within my own body and mind. It’s like telling me that I’m not allowed to act or speak because I’m not genetically equipped to understand how to act around them. Thankfully this rarely happens, but this happens often enough to cause some damage. I should stress that I don’t believe that this behavior is ableism in the same way that the world sees it today. Or in other words, if this is ableism, it’s the kind of intolerance that hurts the entire fabric of humanity. It’s the belief that if people are flawed, (which we all are in morals, abilities, or… you name it), they should not be forgiven. This attitude is hard on the vast majority of people, and this even includes the person who exercises this attitude against others. We are actually hurting ourselves whenever we see ourselves as being completely right when we’re not. Maybe people who continuously torture themselves with this perspective are afraid to acknowledge the communication disorder, and to find unity within it because this means finding something in common with the people whom they didn’t like the words and actions of.

So, what should we do? Whenever we struggle to understand another person, should we try to find empathy through this small window called the communication disorder? This is as simple as saying that you are having some trouble understanding me, and me saying that I am having some trouble understanding you. Acknowledging this challenge as a similarity that unifies us might help us to open up the door to better understanding.